I’m working on a new project and would love feedback…
One night stands are normal, or you think they are when you’re at college. And if you had the pleasure of spending time with my friends and acquaintances, you’d believe monogamy dead. As a college student, you also probably believe others share in the experiences and values you align yourself with. Every person on campus drinks grain alcohol mixed with Kool-Aid out of old Gatorade coolers, receives an occasional grade of D in an oh-so-tough course led by a lousy professor, and has meaningless one night stands. It can be a shock when you realize your experiences are far removed from others.
My time at college has been marred by generalized anxiety disorder. Until my senior year, I did none of the above. So I surprised myself when I ended up in bed with a guy I barely knew. I’m not the kind of girl who would normally be in a strange man’s apartment in the early, early hours of morning. In an unmade bed smelling of sweat and boy parts, too terrified to move an inch.
But here I am on strange sheets. My body rigid. My finger itching, but I refuse to scratch and give Jeremy, the almost naked guy next to me, any indication of interest. Instead, I fist my hand, manicured nails digging into the soft flesh of my palm. Control.
I hear myself swallow, loud in the silent room, and tell myself to relax. Five deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Control the fear.
One night stands are normal. Control the anxiety now.
I’m sure many other college students can relate when I say I’m not sure how I ended up here, some of the helpful details obscured through a haze of hard cider and Fireball. Earlier, I strutted out of my apartment in my new slutty pirate outfit, yet somehow managed to feel less than sexy. It had looked good in the package. But my black leggings were itching and covered with cat hair even though I’d made every attempt to hide them from the demon cat, Snuggles, who illegally lives with me. My high heeled black boots make me wobble and my low cut shirt fell to the left, which would give anyone a good look, not only at my cleavage, but also my bra.